I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
