could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
now i know why i became what i already was.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
