i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
