i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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