I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
