I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
