We're facebook friends in real life
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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