When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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