Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
