my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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