im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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