I can text with my tongue
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
