found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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