hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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