how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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