Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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