You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize
