don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
