Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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