There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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