I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
