Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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