I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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