You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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