it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
