I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
