I wish I could punch you in the face.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I believe in your delicious
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
