Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
