i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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