I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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