She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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