GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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