oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
