I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
