i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
