guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
This is my gift to your gina
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
