As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
