I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
