Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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