Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
