I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
