pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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