Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
