no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
