This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I have fence marks all over my body
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
