If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
