Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
