all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
