1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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