I don't usually arrange sex via text message
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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