I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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