I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
